#99 The Horror of Party Beach (1964)

77min

Notable cast: none

The Horror of Party Beach is an early 60s creature feature ripoff made famous by the legendary show "Mystery Science Theater 3000". Unfortunately the version I had to watch and review was the original version without the bots and whatnot. 

The plot is nearly non-existent: A group of skeletons laying in the bottom of the ocean get re-animated after an evil corporation (i presume, it's not explained in the movie) dumps toxic waste in the ocean.

Somehow the skeletons are turned into these frog-like rubber suits shown above, I think it has something to do with seaweed, or so the generic Dr. Gavin explains later in the movie, I don't know I forget shit like that. Before the creatures emerge from the ocean we are treated to a fight scene in the titular beach party, and it is awesome. Lazy punches are thrown, kicks miss by a mile and the main guy (I think) throws a guy or two judo style into the ground. The highlight of course is the way too complicated assisted jump / roundhouse kick our main man hilariously executes.

Fus...

ro..

DAH!

Can't believe this movie is on this list as it is filled with wooden acting, horrible dialogue and low budget creature effects, that all entertain more or less. Sure, it has no plot, the overall quality is as shitty as it gets, but still it has moderate amount of entertainment value. I can see how MST3K has ripped a new asshole to this one, it is an easy film to mock. But at least the film makers were trying, some effort was clearly put into the effects and the killings are fairly gruesome for its time.

 But make no mistake, this movie is shitty in every level. It is short but you still can't feel like not fast forwarding, especially the scenes with the monsters as they are so fucking poorly lit you can't see a thing. Wouldn't recommend this to anyone except maybe a horror movie buff who likes 50s & 60s B-movie horrors.
But as an added bonus it does have some cool 60s scenery, fashion and cars.
And product placement.

fuck GPS

  

#100 Another 9 1/2 Weeks (1997)

"Boo!"

aka Love in Paris
105min
Notable cast: Mickey Rourke, Angie Everhart, Steven Berkoff









So, how to review a movie in which nothing happens? Another 9 1/2 Weeks has John Gray (Rourke) travel to Paris in search for his old love, Elizabeth. Instead he finds a new fuck buddy named Lea (Everhart). First half of the movie has John contemplating suicide and generally sulking cause he can't find his lost love. Half-way through he is told SPOILER that Elizabeth is in fact dead, and not away out of country somewhere. Johns reaction to this is looking mildly annoyed.

"aww man"

After that crucial plot twist the characters continue to do absolutely nothing, the end. Thrilling.
The acting in this movie is quite diverse. Rourke doesn't give a flying fuck in the entire film. Man seems bored and embarrassed at the same time, no effort given here. Sleepwalking through a role would be more interesting to look at. On the flip side Everhart is trying. Problem is she's a horrible actress. Quite painful to witness her try this femme fatale thing. The most entertaining of these is Steven Berkoff, who is wildly overacting in every scene he is in. Too bad he has like 3 scenes.

"Cool shirt bro"

There's really nothing funny here besides the god-awful dialogue and few random scenes. One of these is Rourke kicking a guys ass in a club toilet and moments later escaping from the building like a bomb is about to go off, for no reason whatsoever.

"GET DOWN!"

So all in all, quite the easy start for this blog, finished this in one sitting easily, a luxury i'm afraid is not a recurring thing. Next up is The Horror of Party Beach.

Aaaand.... Go!

Welcome

This blog here is my project to watch and review the Imdb's bottom hundred. The worst movies of all time, according to this source at least. People might think why the hell i would want to do that, so here's my rambling answer:
It all started years and years ago when I got into action cinema. As a kid 80's and 90's action movies blew my mind, and they still do. Die Hard, Under Siege, Cliffhanger, Lethal Weapon, Predator etc. all remain my favorite movies to this day. But later, in the 2000s, as these action stars got older, their movies got shittier and cheaper. Prime example would be Mr. Steven Seagal. Man did some excellent stuff in his day, but quickly descended into doing b-grade action movies shot in Romania with a poor budget. But still, that didn't scare me off. On the contrary, it fascinated me more than the big budget movies (Part of the reason for that was a great book called "Seagalogy" by Vern, you should check it out if you haven't yet).
So after watching all of Seagals late work, i'd go and watch later work from Van Damme, Lundgren and so on. After that, i'd switch to lesser known direct to video garbage from 90s and 00s: PM Entertainment, Cannon films, all kinds of exploitation, crappy action movies from guys like Gruner, Wincott, Lamas, Daniels, Blanks etc. you get the picture. So after pretty much falling in love and exhausting most of the entertaining bad movies, i thought to myself "what next?". That's when I thought of the idea of watching real bad movies without the entertainment value. So off to Imdb and its worst of -list. Expecting to find list full of great movies the majority thinks of as shit (for some reason) i found this:

Wow. Now that seems BAD. Horrible. Soul crushing. But at the same time... fascinating. So off we go, starting easily enough with Mickey Rourke in Another 9 1/2 weeks. That can't be too bad, right?

Ps. I'm watching these sober, from start to finish, full concentration, no cheating. Spelling mistakes and odd sentences may occur, as English isn't my first language.