#97 Meet the Spartans (2008)

85 long minutes
Notable cast: Kevin Sorbo











Okay, I'm gonna keep this short as there is really nothing to review here. This movie is a piece of shit. An abomination shat out by two assholes called.. oh fuck it, it's not even worth the effort to google the names of these jackasses. Meet the Spartans tries to spoof various movies, but instead it's just a montage of "jokes" about pissing and/or shitting on someone, puking on someone, kicking someone in the balls etc. There were fucking SIXTEEN of these "gags" crammed in 60+ minutes. Yeah, I counted.

Exhibit A: Penguin shitting on a man

When the movie isn't flinging shit around like I imagine the directors do all day, it's making pop culture references. And my god are they insanely terrible. Oh look, it's Lindsay Lohan leaving rehab, that's hilarious! Britney Spears shaving her own head had me rolling on the floor too! And the "jokes" go on and on. There's one sequence consisting solely of Yo momma -jokes that I swear ran at least 5 minutes. At least Bruce Willis made that work in The Last Boyscout. 

Exhibit B: Dog licking a ballsack

I had a horrible time watching this trash. It didn't manage to make me laugh or smile even once. Hour of my life wasted, I got nothing out of this. Still have two movies on this list from these same assholes, I can't imagine them being worse. Watching this just got me angry and frustrated. And as a bonus, this piece of shit topped Rambo at the box office. So there goes my faith in humanity, flying out the window and into the asshole of a farting penguin. Or something like that, fuck this movie.